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Smokey Mountains

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Today I found myself in the Smokey Mountains at Clingman’s Dome, the high point of the state of Tennessee. At 6,643 feet, I was quite literally standing in a cloud. From the lookout tower I should have been able to see parts of North Carolina, Kentucky, Alabama, West Virginia, depending on which direction I was facing, but unfortunately the cloud cover was too thick to see much of anything. Regardless, it was spectacular knowing I was standing at the highest elevation I’d ever been at, and the cool mountain “smoke” felt amazing after the short but tiring hike from the visitor center to the peak. For a few minutes, I was on top of the world (well, the closest I’ve ever been.)

On the way back down, the fog thinned out in a few places, offering a few glimpses of the amazing views I’d been missing at the top. It took me three times as long to get to the bottom because every time there was a lookout with a clear view, I had to stop and take a picture. I was kicking myself for accidentally leaving my nice camera in the hotel, but fortunately my phone takes decent photos. I played around with panoramas and selfies, and took advantage of the “Great Smokey Mountain” geotag on Snapchat for a little while before continuing my descent. With my siblings way up ahead and my parents trailing behind, I enjoyed some time alone to walk and think.

Standing there, gazing out at the miles and miles of blue and green before me, I had a moment of self reflection. Even though I was slightly lightheaded from the elevation (and needing my inhaler), my mind was surprisingly clear. For a couple minutes, I let go of everything that was dragging me down. I stopped worrying about boys and money and school. I thought of my body as nothing less than the beautiful machine that had carried me there to this point. I took a breath, and I let it all go.

 

 After a busy summer of working multiple jobs, worrying about finances, stressing about friends and relationships, and just overall mental and physical exhaustion, this was what I needed to center myself again. Lately I’ve been letting myself be way too affected by negative energy, much of which is self produced. I fixate on little things and stress myself out. In the past week alone I’ve let my OCD consume me, had an anxiety attack while clothes shopping. I’ve snapped at my siblings and been rude to my parents for no reason. I let a boy I barely know ruin my mood and make me feel terrible about myself. I hurt my best friend’s feelings and then called her hysterically crying five minutes later. To be honest, I’ve truly disliked myself for reasons difficult to articulate.This is not the person I want to be.

Looking at the breathtaking mountain scenery I realized- I’m lucky. I am SO lucky. And I can be whatever and whoever I want to be. Maybe that’s cliché to write about, but it’s something I need to be reminded of.

So I decided that for the rest of my family vacation I’m going to have a change of attitude and spirit. It doesn’t mean everything is suddenly going to be easy. I’m still going to have to work hard to change the things I don’t like about myself. It’s still going to hurt when he doesn’t text back. I’m still going to have to worry about money, and classes and friends. But these things don’t have to consume me. I can breathe and get through it. I can let it go. And when this semester is over, I’m going to spend four months on a ship, traveling the world with my best friend. That’s worth focusing my energy on.

They say that if you can force yourself to smile for a while, you will actually start to feel better. Maybe it’s your muscles tricking your brain into thinking you’re happy, or maybe it doesn’t work at all, but as I walked the rest of the way down, I tried it. I smiled to my myself, and then you know what I did? I twisted my ankle and fell down in front of a dozen strangers, and it was so hilariously and perfectly me that I actually laughed. And I felt genuinely good.

My advice is to take some time today to reflect on and love yourself. Even if you can’t hop in your car and drive to the Smokies, there are little wonders all around you waiting to be found. Sometimes a little beauty and fresh air is all you need to recharge and help you start to feel better.

Summer Adventure

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I just want to start off with a quick update- as of Friday, I earned enough money to pay my initial deposit for Semester at Sea! This means I am officially enrolled and have a cabin spaced held for me on the ship. Now I will be able to move forward with the process and begin applying for financial aid, loans, and scholarships. In a couple months I will be able to register for classes and begin planning really planning my trip! A big shout-out and thank you to everyone who has already donated to my GoFundMe. I can’t even express how much it means to me. Kim, Harold and Toni, Aunt Sue, Debby and Neil, and Oliver for donating, and anyone who has shared my link and shown their support, I am so grateful. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you all. ❤

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I wanted to quickly talk about one of my summer jobs. During the week, I help out in the art room at the Woodstock Day School- Summer Adventure camp. Two days a week I am assisting with ceramics, helping the kids with different projects using clay and glazes. The other three days I am in the general art room, doing everything from collages to beading to henna tattoos. Spending several summers there has left me with a generous amount of crafts and memories, all made with the help of the children I work with.

The best part about my position is that I not only get to spend all day doing art (which I love), but I have the opportunity to get to know all of the campers and counselors, which I would not get to do if I stayed with the same group all day. I work with everyone from preschool to fifth grade or higher, and it’s amazing to come back each year and see how they’ve grown. Some of the campers who are now in the 9+ group, I met when they were still in kindergarten. I’ve gotten to know so many wonderful people of all ages, and though work can be tiring, ultimately there are few better ways I can think of to spend the summer.

WDS Summer Adventure has been growing over the last few years, this summer having the largest enrollment yet. One big draw is the pool, where campers have a chance to swim once or twice a day, under the watchful eye of several caring and committed lifeguards. The rest of the time, they are participating in other activities, including sports, hip-hop/dancing, yoga, singing, gardening, and what makes our camp unique- African drum and dance. At the end of each session  there is an all camp gathering where families are welcome to come watch the groups perform songs, dances, and drumming they have learned over the weeks!

The director of the camp, Pam, is an amazing boss and an even more amazing person, and her husband Mimo can brighten my day just by giving me one of his genuinely thankful smiles. Year after year, they bring so much energy, life, and culture to the camp and the people in it. When life gets hard, it’s easy to just think about yourself. But Pam, Mimo, Debbie, and everyone else involved in making Summer Adventure what it is, put all of their hearts into making the camp some place kids can feel safe, happy, unique, and want to keep returning to. It is a truly wonderful place to be.

This summer is coming to a close, but if you are interested for next year, check out this link for more information!

I’m going to leave you with a funny story about one of the campers. Last week we gave the kids blank books that they could draw in and fill with memories of camp. The three and four years-olds (referred to this year as “dolphins and whales”) in the preschool group are unable to write, so when they were finished scribbling drawing in their booklets, we sat down and asked what was happening on each page.

Her counselor wrote down word for word what this particular toddler said, and needless to say we were slightly terrified (but so amused) by the story this little girl came up with.

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As always, thank you!

http://www.gofundme.com/saslaney

Semester at Sea

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In Spring of 2014, one of my college suite-mates had the opportunity to do a study abroad program called Semester at Sea. I had heard of SAS before, but I never took the time to really find

out the details. Having returned only a few months ago, my suitemate excitedly told me and my friends about her experiences with the program, and my interest peaked. Seeing the way her eyes lit up when she told us photo albums and told us stories of her adventures, I knew it was something that was 11733519_996458930399150_747046503_nmeant for me.

So on a whim, I decided to apply. The process required basic personal information, a few official documents from my college, including transcript, and a personal essay. A few months later I found out I was accepted, and the possibility of me going was suddenly real. If everything works out, I’ll be setting sail in just under six months.

Now that this dream is becoming a reality, I thought I’d tell you all a little bit about it so maybe you can share in my excitement.

Semester at Sea is a semester long voyage “around the world.” Traveling by ship, students spend four months traveling to several different countries, many of which I personally would never have the opportunity to visit anytime in the foreseeable future. This particular voyage includes these destinations:

102 Days, 15 Cities, 11 Countries

We will have a certain amount of time at each location, generally between 4 and 7 days. Once the ship has docked, the other students and I will be able to make our own agendas, and spend time exploring whatever country we are visiting. We will have the option to come back to the ship each night for food/sleep, or we can spend the whole time on land wherever we choose. When my friend was in Ghana, she arranged a home-stay, and lived with a family for a couple days in their village.

In each location there are different “outings” that you can sign up for through the program. These can be somewhat pricey, but some are worth the additional costly. These may including riding elephants through the jungle, or trekking through the desert with camels and sleeping under the stars. Or, if students choose, they can make their own itinerary, as long as they return to the ship by the designated time and day. There are also service opportunities, such as visiting an orphanage or helping build homes.

While on the ship in between locations, I will take up to 15 credits worth of classes, which will be transferred to my school when the semester ends. To my delight, they are offering many classes that will fulfill requirements for my major and minors. A couple that I am interested in include “Writing the World in Poetry” and “Drawing at Sea.”

As a Journalism major with minors in creative writing and photography, this is quite literally the opportunity of a lifetime. I will get a firsthand look at cultures I know virtually nothing about. I plan to travel when I am older, but there is no guarantee I will ever have the time or money to, say, spend a week Vietnam. Not to mention I would not have the increased safety of traveling through a school related program. I will get to spend time in places I have always wanted to visit, like India and Japan, as well as countries I am rather ignorant of, such as Burma.

My intention is to document my journey in great detail, through photography, journals, and this blog. These experiences will stay with me for the rest of my life. Perhaps one day I can write a novel about the semester I spent traveling the world! Perhaps it will inspire me in ways I can’t even imagine. As an adventurer with a passion for writing, art, and learning about different cultures, this program is an incredible opportunity for me.

I believe this program will help me in many ways. I am always craving new experiences, but I don’t always make an effort to seek them out. This will challenge me emotionally, mentally, and most likely physically, and hopefully (cliche as it may be) help me grow as a person. The truth is, I am utterly terrified to embark on such a journey. Going to college 40 minutes away from home was a big enough transition. When I think about spending a semester at sea, I am filled with a mixture of overwhelming excitement and fear. I have never been so far away for such a long period of, and I have never been on a boat for longer than an afternoon. If everything works out, my  room-mate will also be doing the program next spring. Having one of my best friends share the experience with me will not only be amazing, but significantly reduce my anxiety. If we can save up enough money, we plan to spend some time traveling around Europe when the program ends, before flying home. If I am lucky, I can even visit my friends in France! My roomie and I are already joking that in each other’s wedding toasts, we can talk about the time we traveled the world together.

The only problem I am facing is the cost of the program. Although I am officially accepted, I am not guaranteed a cabin space until I put down a $1000 deposit, which I am currently saving towards by working a couple summer jobs. At that point I can apply for financial aid and scholarships. Even if I am awarded the money needed to participate, I will also need to save up a few thousand dollars for things like special programs, food, and transportation for when I am actually in the countries. Anything will help, so I am including the link to my GoFundMe if anyone feels like contributing.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and learn about something I am unbelievably excited to be a part of. I hope you’ll follow my journey and be inspired like I was!

Link to the Semester at Sea voyage- http://www.semesteratsea.org/voyages/spring-2016/

Link to help reach my financial goals! http://www.gofundme.com/saslaney

Introduction

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“My mouth is a fire escape. The words coming out don’t care that they are naked.There is something burning in here.” –Andrea Gibson, Poet       

What are you supposed to major in when your main goal in life is so be Pocahontas? (The Disney version, not the real life Native American child who was sadly taken to England as a prisoner where she eventually died from disease). I can sing “Colors of the Wind” until my throat hurts and put leaves in my hair, but that dream is only going to get me so far. So lately, I’ve been considering my other options.

From the time I could speak to the time I graduated high school, I was repeatedly asked the same question as every other child- “What do you want to be when you grow up?” For the first ten years of my life, I would answer without a second thought, that I wanted to be a veterinarian, because I love animals, and an author. Somewhere along the line that answer changed to “zoologist.” Then marine biologist. Occupational therapist. Fashion designer. Wizard. Dragon Rider. Speech therapist. Wildlife expert. For a split second after seeing Reese Witherspoon in “Legally Blonde,” I even wanted to be a lawyer. And then, for a while, I just didn’t know.

Now that I have finished my first year of college, the big question has morphed into “What are your plans for when you’re done with school?” No one is inquiring about what I want to be when you grow up, because it seems adulthood is right around the corner. I am now expected have have an idea of what my life will be like when I graduate. Where will I live? What job will I have? How will I make enough money to start paying off my student loans?

I’ve always known what my main interests were- writing, reading, art, animals, and people. I discovered over the last few years that I especially love learning people’s stories. I enjoy reading articles that make me feel something, whether it is inspired or heartbroken. I am drawn to uncaptioned photographs that speak a thousand words. So I decided to gather up all these interests and turn them into a college major. My plan as of now is to major in Journalism and double minor in art (with a focus on photography) and creative writing. If I’m lucky, I’ll spend the next three or so years pursuing these talents and areas of interest, and then leave with a degree that will lead to some form of income.

But still, I am doubtful of my decisions. I still don’t know exactly what I want to DO though. I can’t see myself working anywhere practical, or anywhere permanent. I know I want to travel and do incredible things. I’m not worried about making money, because overall I just want to be happy. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to get there. I need to work on being happy now, instead of waiting for the future. It is difficult to focus on living life to the fullest in the present, when there is so much pressure to set up an idea future. We are all scared we will end up broke, unhappy, and alone. I refuse to live with that fear anymore.

I’ve been told that part of my problem is that I have all these things that are part of me, like writing and art, but I am not actively passionate about them. I am not making a point each day to work on a story or art project. I am not using my camera every opportunity I get. If I’m going to base the rest of my life around these things that I supposedly love, I can’t keep making excuses not to pursue them. So I’ve created this blog as an outlet to speak my mind. To speak my mind, and to have a place to share my work. As a journalism major, it is a good idea to have a project I can build on over the years, and share my voice others.

Additionally, when I embark on my journey next spring (more information in the next post!) this is where I will keep of record of my adventures. Until then, I will try to post on here regularly about different things. Thank you everyone for your support ❤

~Laney~