“My mouth is a fire escape. The words coming out don’t care that they are naked.There is something burning in here.” –Andrea Gibson, Poet       

What are you supposed to major in when your main goal in life is so be Pocahontas? (The Disney version, not the real life Native American child who was sadly taken to England as a prisoner where she eventually died from disease). I can sing “Colors of the Wind” until my throat hurts and put leaves in my hair, but that dream is only going to get me so far. So lately, I’ve been considering my other options.

From the time I could speak to the time I graduated high school, I was repeatedly asked the same question as every other child- “What do you want to be when you grow up?” For the first ten years of my life, I would answer without a second thought, that I wanted to be a veterinarian, because I love animals, and an author. Somewhere along the line that answer changed to “zoologist.” Then marine biologist. Occupational therapist. Fashion designer. Wizard. Dragon Rider. Speech therapist. Wildlife expert. For a split second after seeing Reese Witherspoon in “Legally Blonde,” I even wanted to be a lawyer. And then, for a while, I just didn’t know.

Now that I have finished my first year of college, the big question has morphed into “What are your plans for when you’re done with school?” No one is inquiring about what I want to be when you grow up, because it seems adulthood is right around the corner. I am now expected have have an idea of what my life will be like when I graduate. Where will I live? What job will I have? How will I make enough money to start paying off my student loans?

I’ve always known what my main interests were- writing, reading, art, animals, and people. I discovered over the last few years that I especially love learning people’s stories. I enjoy reading articles that make me feel something, whether it is inspired or heartbroken. I am drawn to uncaptioned photographs that speak a thousand words. So I decided to gather up all these interests and turn them into a college major. My plan as of now is to major in Journalism and double minor in art (with a focus on photography) and creative writing. If I’m lucky, I’ll spend the next three or so years pursuing these talents and areas of interest, and then leave with a degree that will lead to some form of income.

But still, I am doubtful of my decisions. I still don’t know exactly what I want to DO though. I can’t see myself working anywhere practical, or anywhere permanent. I know I want to travel and do incredible things. I’m not worried about making money, because overall I just want to be happy. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to get there. I need to work on being happy now, instead of waiting for the future. It is difficult to focus on living life to the fullest in the present, when there is so much pressure to set up an idea future. We are all scared we will end up broke, unhappy, and alone. I refuse to live with that fear anymore.

I’ve been told that part of my problem is that I have all these things that are part of me, like writing and art, but I am not actively passionate about them. I am not making a point each day to work on a story or art project. I am not using my camera every opportunity I get. If I’m going to base the rest of my life around these things that I supposedly love, I can’t keep making excuses not to pursue them. So I’ve created this blog as an outlet to speak my mind. To speak my mind, and to have a place to share my work. As a journalism major, it is a good idea to have a project I can build on over the years, and share my voice others.

Additionally, when I embark on my journey next spring (more information in the next post!) this is where I will keep of record of my adventures. Until then, I will try to post on here regularly about different things. Thank you everyone for your support ❤

~Laney~